Friday, my car was needed while the flat was repaired and tires rotated, I drove. I don't like him driving my car since I fear he will mess it up. He cannot see out the way he adjusts the seat for his needs. He has driven it, but I enjoy driving. So, we set out. As we left the driveway, I told him, "Now, I want to see if I know the way. So, don't tell me how to get there, okay?" He agreed. About three minutes later, he said, "Make sure you get into the left lane." I told him okay but not to help me. About four minutes later, he said, "When you can, get into the right lane." I was really upset, asking what he was doing since I wanted to see if I knew the way without him telling me. He argued that he was just trying to help!
"I was just trying to help to make sure you were in the proper lane." Well, I raised my voice more than a little bit. He said he just did not want me to turn wrong or miss a turn. He said this in the most condescending voice. I suppose he was trying to tamp down my anger and frustration. and cause, you know I just started driving yesterday. "I can turn around if I go wrong!"
Two things: I don't know my right from my left 99% of the time, so telling me either is not helpful, just frustrating. And, I have been driving for over 50 years!
About two years ago, I was going to drive my car or his, don't remember which, to Birmingham. It is so confusing because I have to go north to go south. At the place to get onto the interstate, there are two exits not 500 feet apart. Both look like I should take them. I asked, calling out the sign messages, asking which I should take. He kept screaming to follow the white car. I kept insisting he tell me the message/numbers on the sign. There were two white cars and a white truck. I was frantic. He kept refusing to tell me what it said on the exit to turn. I screamed at him to get him to tell me which sign I should follow.
When I was on the right entrance onto the interstate, he told me all I had to do was follow his instructions. I asked him, "What will I do the next time if there is no white car to follow?" Only then did he quit blaming me. This man could not teach anyone to drive!!!
I learn to drive by seeing, hearing, reading and doing. I was getting nothing from his directions.
For thirty years I drove to Birmingham on my own from 50 miles north of here, found my way around all sorts of places--UAB, shopping, theaters, antique shops, friends' homes, places to sell dog clothes, lots of exploring. But, I never had to get off I-65 before Birmingham and go west! I am not an idiot and am good with directions and finding places I need to go.
Okay, when my daughter took private tap lessons from Corky Bell, I did get onto the interstate going west, but I went to one place and home. It was easy and not something that stuck with me. And, I worked in inner city schools for about 5 years, but the way here was from the south!
I will admit he "helps" me in ways I need, like picking up heavy things and other ways. But, this drives me crazy.
How do men try to "help" when you don't need it. Or, does he "help" in an unhelpful manner? Or, does he help when you want to do it yourself or have it under control?
edit: Don't get me wrong, I don't mind help. But, when I am trying to learn and say "don't help." I don't think help is helpful.