Sunday, May 15, 2022

Twitching in the Kitchen

 But, first.....

Saturday night, I decided to finish loading the dishwasher. I had loaded all the dirty dishes before the guys came, but it was only half full. I wanted to wash a load Saturday night so we could start another load Sunday morning. I don't know why I told Tommy to come help. I had loaded a very nasty cup into the dishwasher and he saw me do it. It had a measuring spoon in it. I could tell it was coffee and figured he used the spoon to measure coffee. The underside and outside of the cup was nastier than the inside. 

Well, he threw a fit, snatched it out and said he did not want it washed, that no one had drunk out of it and no one would. I told him the bottom was filthy. He said it did not matter--"It don't matter." I tried to explain that we had the shelves clean and should only put clean things on them. The bottom of the cup, the part that touches the shelf was absolutely filthy with great gobs of dirt of some sort on it. He was talking about the inside of the cup!

He grabbed the cup and told me to smash it into his face and come on and do it. Do it. Well, I told him I was not going to do any such thing. He just turned around and rolled off. ??? I finished emptying one box and took the box to him to throw outside after I started the dishwasher. I asked him why he had the tsp measure in the cup. He said he used it to measure coffee, that it took six teaspoons of coffee for the coffeemaker. That is bizarre. No wonder there is so much coffee all over the counter around the coffeemaker. I bought a coffee measure for my own use, so I will put that in his cup to measure. 

He said this was his stuff and if we were not going to be using it, we did not need to wash it. The plates felt like they had sat in the carport and gathered grime. He screams the most bizarre things at me and then sits down like he has done or said nothing mean or crazy. Then, he talks first and is so mild mannered that I am baffled. He bullies. I don't give in to his bullying. Then, he just ignores what he has said and done.

Okay, my twitching.

I have this great urge to close the cabinet doors when I see one open! They are all open to let the cabinets dry. I just end up walking along twitching when I remember not to close them when I am reaching for the doors. I laugh at myself. Most of the time, I never actually reach, just twitch as I think of closing a door and barely move and then don't. Tommy said the title of this post sounds weird.

Sunday night, I cooked the two bacon, onion and cheese burgers. I had one squash that I needed to cook. I ended up losing part of it by waiting one night! I sliced rounds about 3/4 inch and laying them down in the skillet with the burgers. The result was delicious. We drained the burgers and squash on paper towels and mashed them with the towel to removed some of the grease. Tommy put his in sourdough bread for a burger. I ate mine plain. He had Romaine salad and I had butter lettuce salad. We both had about a dozen grapes, but Tommy had more.  We forgot the tomato, but I ate it alone.

We cannot put the shelf paper on any but the bottom shelves, so hopefully, the guys can come back to do those. Monday, I will call them. Neither of us can get on a ladder. On Sunday, we got the dishes from the dishwasher. It has taken all day, with time off for other things, to get another load ready, stuff from the cabinets and our own dishes. 

Things are still pretty crowded and hectic, but getting more organized. It is like most decluttering, I suppose. But, the last time I took everything out of my kitchen cabinets was in 1977 when I moved to my house. Then, all was clean to put things up--shelves and dishes.

It is Sunday night. I asked Tommy to wipe of the counters from the stove to sink. I pointed out the roach poop and told him to clean out the bowls there and anything, including the crockpot. These are things I did not cover when the guys cleaned, all my fault. So, he has been in there for almost an hour. I thought it would take 15 minutes at the most. He is using Lysol Wipe on everything! 

What do you think of his bizarre behavior? His nastiness, lack of cleanliness? (You can see why this house is so nasty!) Do you ever take absolutely everything off all the kitchen shelves other than to move? How arduous is that task? 




23 comments:

  1. a UTI could cause personality changes in an older person... his behavior sounds bizarre, but he needs a medical exam to rule out stroke, or UTI, or dementia. meanwhile, you need to get some agreements between you (when he isn't feeling so off) to protect you if something does happen to him...so that you can (maybe) continue living in the house.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. meetssy,
      He must have had a uti for the last several years, since this in ongoing behavior--very violent and extreme. I wonder.

      Delete
  2. I would wonder if he is depressed - depression can cause odd behavior. He is bullying you, and that isn't OK. I am sorry you go through that.

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    Replies
    1. Cheryl,
      I don't know. He has been this way a long time, longer than I have known him.

      Delete
  3. Most of the men who have been in my life (relatives) have acted like that at times. Perhaps it is when they feel embarrassed or frustrated. Who knows.

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    Replies
    1. Carole,
      He has irrational responses to many things.

      Delete
  4. Just to lend a male perspective (and I am old, I am 81). Not trying to justify or make excuses for Tommy at all. Maybe he is just a mean man. I don't want to make you angry in any way, but you must remember that you are basically a guest in his house, even if you are improving it bit by bit as best you can. It was his before you were there, regardless of its condition or his habits, and perhaps he views you as having exceeded the boundaries between "your stuff" "my stuff" and "our stuff". Maybe he is just irrational. I am glad that you have each other for support and I hope he will mellow a bit in his outlook. Just don't be too pushy when it comes to a man's coffee cup and teaspoon! (I'm basically joking, there). Basically I think he is very fortunate to have you there at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. rhymes,
      Cut him some slack because he is a man? Cut him some slack because it is his place? His violence is somehow justified? Bullshit! I have not relayed even the tip of the iceberg! This is just the lastest. This cup was nasty with visible crud and he was going to put it on clean shelf liner. He used the measuring spoon to measure coffee and stored the spoon in the cup.

      Delete
    2. I never mentioned cutting him some slack and I never intimated for a moment that his violence is justified. You're reading stuff that isn't there. If he is a slob and you are a neatnik, maybe you really are incompatible. But is new shelf paper the hill you want to die on? I guess I'm trying to say, and saying it badly, don't cut off your nose to spite your face. You could find yourself out on the street. We have a term we use ifor people like Tommy: E.G.R. (extra grace required).

      Delete
    3. Linda - I usually don't comment on other people's comments but in this case I couldn't keep quiet. I'm sorry but I think you may have misunderstood Rhyme's comment, I don't believe that's what Rhymes meant at all, in fact he stated he wasn't trying to justify or make excuses for him at all. I think he was just trying to give you another perspective to consider with it being Tommy's house & you are technically a guest is all he really meant. But that certainly doesn't mean he condones Tommy's poor behavior at all. He even said he believed Tommy to be fortunate to have you there at all and I fully agree. Just my two cents as I read his comment & took it a completely different way than you did. I definitely don't think you should cut him any slack for being a man or just because its his house, treating anyone that poorly shouldn't be acceptable PERIOD. It makes me sad that you put up with that kind of treatment. You definitely don't deserve it! I know you work so hard to help him and help get the house up to standards, he is lucky to have you whether he realizes it or not!! I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Sending love & light your way.

      Delete
    4. Bri,
      Thanks. The last part of your comment is all I need to hear. And, this is not over shelf paper, rhymes. I cannot leave right now for reasons he knows and agrees with.

      Delete
  5. You really ARE Tommy's guest. This will likely irritate you but if you are being treated badly maybe you should begin to look for other accommodations. Changing his long time behaviors may be impossible unless a medical condition is discovered.

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    Replies
    1. Connie,
      I am more than a guest. he would be dead if I were not here.

      Delete
  6. This is not going to be received well, I'm sure, but if you didn't have Tommy, where would you be? Where would you live? If it's difficult for you to live with these conditions, maybe you should move. I agree with the older gentleman (thymeswithplague) - you have invaded his territory, and even though you are trying to improve things, it's still his home and sometimes he may feel you are just always pushing him to do things that he never considered necessary before you barged your way into his house and what came with it. Sometimes you forget to appreciate that he gave you a place to live. Ranee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rae,
      No, I do not forget anything. He is all for these improvements. He is willing to pay for people to do things. He is behind it, just is mercurial! He will not control his blood sugar and is just normally nasty. However, he can be very cordial.

      Delete
  7. I would have just washed the cup and avoided the conflict in the first place.

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    Replies
    1. Anne,
      I was trying to do just that when he intervened and snatched it! It was put in the sink and I put it in the dishwasher. Of course, I put it upside down and even after washing the crud was all over the bottom. I set it in a pan in the sink that had water in it and it soaked off in 24 hours. I had no idea I was doing anything wrong when I picked up the cup. He goes from zero to ballistic quickly. Thanks.

      Delete
    2. Anne, Tommy took the cup from Linda and threatened her. She had no opportunity to avoid the conflict, since Tommy started it and got in her face!

      Delete
  8. I think old men are cranky and irrational because their generation allowed men to behave that way and no one ever called them on their bullshit. Men of that era were always entitled to behave badly and their dumb decisions went unchallenged And as they age, they get worse. Tommy's blood sugar probably has plenty to do with it, but most of it is just decades of unchallenged behavior.
    You might try videoing him with your phone the next time he starts acting badly, just so you can play it back for him later and he can see just how outrageous he is being.

    Since Tommy talks of physical violence, I think your de-escalating tactics are best. Or, you could ask the Mormons to smack him around a little bit next time they visit, just to put him in his place. KIDDING! I AM KIDDING!

    Yes, Tommy has given you a place to land (albeit filthy and cluttered). And yes, you are probably the only reason Tommy is still alive. So your relationship is symbiotic, and each party must be grateful for the other. Tommy is good for cleaning and helping when asked, but could probably restrain his temper a wee bit more. Linda, I have no doubt you are working miracles in that household.

    Why Tommy is so adamant to put a dirty cup go in a newly clean shelf is beyond me. It is either a cognitive issue, a blood sugar issue, OR he's just a cranky old man who has spent a lifetime making stupid decisions. Your pick, Linda!

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    Replies
    1. Sue,
      Thanks. Men get away with stuff like you say. Making excuses makes women the ones in the wrong. I do not shore up the patriarchy!

      Tommy does lots of kitchen cleaning, nothing else...lol. Well, he cannot really. And, I do not ask him to clean, he just does it. I did tell him how it is best done, not intending for him to really do it so well.

      If I videoed him, he would say that I caused him to act that way. So, it would mean little to him. Really, I should do that. I do know how to make a video.

      The blood sugar causes cognitive problems and he is a cranky old man. He thinks the person who is loudest wins!

      Thanks for not sticking up with him and telling me to leave.

      Delete
  9. Some guys are just jerks. John certainly could be! Tell Tommy that he should thank his lucky stars that he hadn't challenged me to hit him in the face with the mug .....I just might have done it! I admire your self control.

    Once john was watching his favorite VHS tape at full volume and telling me to go away, (actually to F off. I know that sounds like benign behavior but trust me things were heated on both sides) He was being a jerk. I opened the sliding door. Pushed the eject button grabbed that tape from the machine and sent it sailing out the window! Our neighbor's home sits below ours I wonder what they thought if they ever came across it.

    I suspect that Tommy feels ashamed after such outbursts. This is probably why he acts as if nothing has happened. It is most likely his blood sugar causing the outburst .......It could also be the beginnings of dementia. I am fortunate in that dementia has turned John into a pussy cat instead of a larger jerk than he already was!

    Yesterday I experienced the bag of bad potatoes you had been writing about. I had to cut away 1/3 of the entire 5lb bag. I suspect the potatoes we are getting are the end of last years crop. Onions here are just beginning to look good. Until recently they would sprout almost overnight!

    This afternoon (Tues 5/17) I packaged a box of books for you. I will take it to the post office tomorrow. It will probably take quite a long time to arrive as I sent it MEDIA Mail. If it hasn't showed up in 2 weeks let me know and I will bring it to the Post Office's attention. Heads up, it is heavy almost 13 lbs.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Janet,
    Yes, guys can be jerks. At least you are not suggesting it is just a guy thing. Oh, Tommy uses the F word freely. I do wonder if it is dementia. I will have to tell you more on the phone.

    Isn't it annoying about the potatoes!?! I finally got good onions, too. Vidalia.

    Oh, good, I will enjoy them, I am sure. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete

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