Actually, birds as an element on anything causes a negative reaction for my older daughter. She and her friend were playing at our house in the summer. She and the little girl were ten, old enough to walk downtown and walk around. They went into a gift shop and the other girl broke something and fled the store while my daughter did not run away. The store owner accosted my daughter, accused her, and would not listen to her when she said she did not break the bluebird. The woman took her name and told her she had to pay for it. I had my daughter take the cost back in dribs and drabs to pay for the knick knack. Then, she just hated to have anything 'bird' around.
So, that is the story on that. To this day, I never buy anything else with a bird image. I did carefully glue the bird and used it. Maybe if I had paid for the item and not made her go back into the store repeatedly, she would not have been so traumatized. Maybe if I had paid it for myself, she would not have been so sad and afraid. Maybe if I had not displayed it, she could have forgotten.
I did tell her how proud I was that she did not run away. Hopefully, she understood the character she displayed by taking on the responsibility. I did spend days consoling her and never was angry.
This was my best mothering in this situation. Maybe I could have done better. What do you think. The whole situation still makes me sad. But, I do still support her trauma and never buy her anything adorned with a bird. What do you think? She still gets angry she was accused, disappointed her friend ran, and really cannot enjoy a bird ornamentation. At any rate, I did not realize the trauma would be so deep and long-lasting.
Last night, I slept little and took a nap today. I did not feel like grilling because it was too hot. I intended to grill early. Maybe if it had been cloudy, I would have. But, there is an abundance of vegetables and pork loin. For lunch I had the rest of the tuna salad. It was nice today not to have to prepare any food!
A bag of kale was cooked, but it is too tough for me to eat. The first two bags were chopped smaller and more tender. My TMJ still bothers me.
A Christmas Story is on TV tonight. This is early for this to be shown, but we love this movie.
What is your take on my daughters' bird dilemma and my handling of the situation? Tommy said his father would have said Hell No and dragged the other kid to the shop.
Yeah, I gotta say that there is no way I would have let my daughter take the fall for something her friend did. I 100% would have ratted out the friend to her mother, and to the store owner. If the other mother was a total loser and refused to pay up, I might have done the reimbursement myself. But I wouldn't have involved my daughter in that process. She didn't break the bird. Why does she have to be involved in the restitution? The onus is on her shitty little friend and the friend's mother.
ReplyDeleteThat said, your daughter needs to get over it. It obviously still stings, and I can understand that. Injustice is a bitter, bitter pill to swallow. But a lifetime aversion to birds over it? Nah. That's giving too much power to the past.
She needs to drop a postcard to the girl and get it off her chest. "You are a coward and a criminal and I hope you never forget that!" Then she should get a bird feeder and start feeding the birds so she can appreciate how wonderful they are. After all, the birds are completely innocent here.
I also think you should forgive yourself, Linda. You did the best you could at the time. Who the hell knows what consequence is going to utterly traumatize a kid? My daughter still whines about me making her stand in a corner for being a brat to her brother. The corner was apparently too dark for her liking, and she said she was terrified. I have apologized for that, but to myself I'm secretly thinking, "So you got a memorable punishment for being a little shit to your brother...good!"
In the rarest of instances, Tommy is absolutely right here. You may tell him I said so, and that I shall never properly recover from admitting that. LOL!!!!!!
Do you have a blender? Pulverise that kale and add a little cream/butter/salt/pepper. It will be delicious, just like creamed spinach!
Sue,
DeleteI do think we involved the other mother who refused to do anything because she said my daughter broke the bird. I doubt that.
Parents never know how an event will affect a child. I will not berate her over how she feels or try to talk her out of it. She has been traumatized by less, so, oh well.
She may not even remember the child's name.
I did the best I could, so I feel bad but not too guilty. That is funny about the terrifying dark corner.
I will tell him.
I might pulverize it but not cream it. I always preferred my spinach not creamed.
Such an unfortunate circumstance to happen but always know that you were not to blame, your daughter was not to blame and birds were not to blame. You reacted in the best way that you knew and no one can ever ask for more than that.
ReplyDeleteTuliika,
DeleteThank you! No, I don't want to blame her at all.
Yes, you do what you thought was right. If it wasn't you learn later.
ReplyDeleteUrspo,
DeleteSo true. I did not want to start something. If the kid was going to lie and say my daughter broke the bird, I would be upset. I suppose I could have thrown the bird away, so it would not be in the house. I still don't know.
Actually, I think the shop owner could have behaved a bit better. Even if she did believe your daughter broke it, after the second payment installment or so, she could have made a point to let your daughter know how she appreciated her following through. That's what I would have done in the shop owner's shoes.
ReplyDeleteMeg,
DeleteShe was not nice to my daughter when she went in to pay. Of course, we never, ever went into that place after that.